A moment of grief
followed by a circle of grace.
Grief and grace
co-mingle.
Often hand in hand grief and grace
move through life.
The power of grief is that it stops us
it opens us
it has power to cleanse us with tears...
tears that come in all sizes and varieties.
The senseless hate that led to death in Orlando
created a cavern of grief....
space so deep and wide
it left so many of us breathless
as if floating in zero gravity...
but slowly our feet landed back on the ground
and we gathered
united with others in our community
to pray
to speak
to sing
to cry
to embrace
to make abundantly clear that our feet
are firmly planted
and are here to stay.
A young one in our midst wrote words
telling her own story
Her mother read the words
as she stood before us with such courage
and yes
grace....
the very grace
that when we encounter it we see a way forward
filled with hope.
That young one in our midst
surrounded by a circle of woman
offering her as much grace as she carry...
it was
and is
beautiful to see.
Such grief and grace will
surely lead us
into the days and months
and years to come.
i think of a dear friend
i feel with my son
and as i do
i remember hearing,
"all churches are like this"
yes,
all churches have stories
of heartache, conflict
and more
no,
not all churches
are alike
some work to push past
heartaches, conflict
and more
some don't
and when a church
doesn't
eventually one gets hurt
or more
easter tomb burst open
new life
is
b
i
r
t
h
e
d
all that was sealed up in s i l e n c e
no longer has
power
there is memory
of the pain
and fear
and shame
and though
the darkness may hover
and mingle
and threaten
it no longer has
power to have the
last
word
the promise infused
empty tomb
of GOD'S boundless love
creates a new reality
______________
the empty tomb
did not birth a new religion
the empty tomb
brought forth
the
d
e
p
t
h of GOD'S love
those who see empty easter tomb
as doctrine alone
are intent on
staying in the tomb...
are determined to
limit GOD
and this is the very story
is it not?
those who tried to limit
GOD in the first easter story
failed miserably
no amount of shame
or pain
could stop GOD'S
desire
to birth
l
o
v
e
for
the whole world
for everyone
love
defines easter
love that could not
be sealed away
behind
stone
it's as if i've been training
for the olympics
a little more than five years
of living after
two life events
altering almost every aspect
of my life
or so it seemed
1. divorce
from a woman
who will forever remain
a "soul-mate"
who i respect
and am thankful
she has shared half
of my life journey
and also lived the miracle
of two children
who continue to bless us both.
2. coming out
to the truth of my life
that i was born
gay
a homosexual or what ever
term you wish to use
because i claim them all now.
in this period of life
i've served three churches
in three different states
was fired but not fired from one
only to discover deep wisdom through the process
which led me to the precious church i currently serve
as they live into the same kind of monumental change
i've experienced
in this period of life
i wrestled with every fiber of my being
to complete a doctor of ministry degree
and along the way discovered
the village of loving folks
who supported me in ways
i will be writing about for years to come
in this period of life
i've learned to live on my own
far away from the land
where i was born and lived most of my life
and
i've listened to blunt honesty
others have had a need to voice
and
trusted the guiding words of a life coach
who continues to enrich my life
with insight and encouragement
some days have moved so slowly
i've almost suffocated before making it to the next breath
other
days
sped by so quickly i forgot i was breathing
in this period of life
i've searched for new relationship
opening my heart with expectation
while having to hone the honest truth
of what i need and long to have
in a relationship i hope to
share for years to come
in this period of life
i've written and spoken oceans of words
bumping into the reality
that others had to encounter my words
discovering some have been hurt
while others inspired
so as i
live into the next season
i begin with apology
to those my honesty has hurt
i also offer thanks
to those my honesty has inspired
knowing
the power words
hold
i pray
GOD
fill me with wisdom and compassion
and joy and memory
as i
figure out
what to do with the words
that fill me to overflowing
for so many years i held many words in
for these past few years
they've been spilling out
but i'm in
a new place
having discovered
i've been called
to be a storyteller
of sorts
and in need
of discerning
how best to share
the stories
i've been given.
it's bloomin time!
as one dear friend
proclaimed for me
i now proclaim for
my brave, faithful,
compassionate, and genuine
friend
who at this very moment
is preparing to speak
truth before people
he is serving.
IT'S BLOOMIN TIME
my friend!
it's time to
let the petals of your life...
all the blessings that have
been hidden away
burst forth!
IT'S BLOOMIN TIME
my friend!
it's time to allow
GOD'S unconditional grace
to shower down upon you
and fill you up!
IT'S BLOOMIN TIME
my friend!
you are free to be
free to speak
free to receive!
you are not alone
there are many standing with
you tonight and in the days
to come.
so my prayer:
may you bloom
with joy
new hope
fullness
happiness
and never
be lonely in silence
again.
IT'S BLOOMIN TIME!
amen
and amen.
(the church: larger church in america
the culture: the neighborhood the church lives in)
while the church is preoccupied
with the nuances of verbs, nouns
adjectives and other
intellectual banter
such as the difference
between
a and the
in and for...
while the church
can't find the courage
or the compassion
all along
demanding
the CULTURE
to conform...
it is just about
this time
that CULTURE
moved on.
the CULTURE moved on
this past week
at the
grammy's
award show
as one leader i respect proclaimed.
the CULTURE dared
to do what the church
refuses to do
but is the only thing
they are called to do.
the CULTURE
didn't just take on the church
the CULTURE took the church
stained glass windows and all.
the church yells truths
and the church remains silent
hoping everything will just go
back the way it was
but there is no way
to go back.
so the CULTURE moved on
the CULTURE
ordained their own
and did it themselves.
the CULTURE
sang songs with all their heart
and pronounced LOVE
and celebrated LOVE.
the CULTURE did
what the church
won't do.
the church wrangles
as if she is still relevant
but there is no
relevancy if the church
won't do what the church
is called to do.
the church can't preach love
if the church can't love.
the church can't legislate love
if the church can't love.
the church has nothing to say to others about love
if the church can't love.
so....
this week
the CULTURE did
what the church
won't do.
the CULTURE
sang
and
lived LOVE
as 32
straight and gay
couples united in marriage.
the CULTURE
left the church
behind this week.
in the CULTURE'S dust
the church
will continue to wrangle
with votes
and the collection of data
trying to find the way into the future
but the calling of the church
is not about votes or data
or the parsing of tiny words
the church is called
to love.
perhaps the CULTURE
will teach the church
how to love.
what does it take
to fully show up
in your
own
life?
some people...
like my
son for instance
was born this way.
from the youngest of age
he walked into a room
confident,
ready,
fully
himself.
for other folks
it takes a longer journey
to fully show up...
for me
it has taken a longer journey
to show up
more fully
to show up
confident in who i am
and who i am not
joyful enough
to know i have something to offer
at peace
that i don't have
to constantly prove myself
but just be.
it's that love yourself part of
what jesus says
when he said
"You shall love your
neighbor as yourself."
i'm not talking
egotistical love
or i am better than you kind of love.
that would stand in the
way of loving others.
i'm talking about
love enough to
show up
as if you
yourself
belong
as if you yourself
have something
valuable to offer
as if you yourself
are loved by others.
it's a circle
a continual wrestling match
an up and down journey...
this showing up
fully stuff.
i've had a glimpse
and an experience
of fully showing up
i've seen and experienced
what my son
was able to see
and claim
at such an early age.
i'm seeing it now in my
daughter who
has deep wisdom at 21...
wisdom that took me 48 years
of life to claim.
i am more
fully showing up
in my life now
and there is
no turning back.
