a time for silence

there is a time to 
speak 
and there is a time 
to be silent

during the past few years
i've used this space called a 
blog to speak

during the past year
i have had the freedom
and the safety to speak 
what had long been
sealed up 
in the proverbial closet

the closet 
kind of silence 
is the kind of silence 
that chokes 

yet it's not totally 
silent in the closet
there are all kinds of 
voices speaking...
            i 
               heard

for me
the closet broke open
and the imposed silence 
no longer silenced 
me

i'm gay...
i've been writing 
and talking about 
being gay
these past months 
because i couldn't for 
so very long

it's my story
i've been speaking it
and with it 
came helpings of 
all kinds of emotion
and sometimes 
the servings of emotion 
were biggy sized 

it's my story
but it's not the only story

i'm not a hero for speaking 
my story

i am simply 
a man
who found 
freedom to do so

along the way 
in all the words i've
been typing into this space
many
      so many in my life
       
people i've known for 
       a very long time
           and people i've 
                just recently met

have sent me emails
hand-written letters
texts
facebook messages

some have called me on the phone 
others have come into my office
and some
have sipped wine 
on the various 
porches and decks 
connected to the homes
i lived in these past years 

all to tell me
their stories 
their perspectives 
their pain and their joy
their hopes 
and intentions 
and regrets

i've discovered in 
such beautiful ways 
how our lives 
are interconnected
over-lapping

it has taken courage
and the gift of grace from many
to find my way out of the closet
and to speak my story

i thank those who 
have listened along the way
and have encouraged me
accepted me
and loved me

and in turn 
trusted me with 
your story

during the last weeks
i've been 
sensing that i need
to enter a period of silence
so as to accomplish several things

(thomas kempis said it this way...
"no one speaks more confidently than the one 
who gladly remains silent."  

dietrich bonhoeffer continues:  
there is a wonderful power in being silent- 
the power of clarification, 
purification, 
and focus on what is essential." 

so with these wise words 
i need to take 
a step away from this 
blog for a period of time

i won't remain in total silence
i just won't be here for a while

i have a project i have to try to finish
i also have a church to serve...
a church who has brought alive the joy of ministry again
i also have children and friends and family to savor
and i have a man i love

i think 
this is a time for me to focus 
on what is essential

just think of the stories 
i will have to share
when i return

i'll be back
because this 
space
has provided me
the gift 
i needed 
to find my way 

i've found my way 
to a beautiful 
place

i need to 
enjoy it 
with
out commentary
for a season

perhaps 
you can tell 
me your story
or more of your 
story 
while i rest my 
blogging fingers

i pray you do