Friday, July 20, 2012

big sis

my big sister a few years back!

my sister
is five years older than me.

like my brother 
she was bigger than life...

i loved watching her play
high school basketball,
and ride her horse bare back 
ninety to nothing. 

she could fix most things 
and most of the time 
treated me as if i were a
loveable human being.  

on stormy nights when i couldn't 
sleep in my room alone
i would climb into her bed.

my sister is the 
peace keeper
and the protector.

she had moments when she lived into her humanity
and brushed me off
but for the most part her love was 
a tangible reality.

my sister also had a knack 
at pulling the truth out of me.
it was a simple exercise.
all she had to do was look me in the eye
and say, "swear to me your telling me the truth."

i swear
it broke me every time.
i sung like a bird
what ever the tidbit of secret i 
attempted to hide.

one secret 
she really never asked me 
to reveal...
yet she would be one of the first 
in my immediate family 
to hear my story.

i had a window of 10 minutes 
to talk one on one 
with my sister in her car 
as we followed other family members to a cafe for dinner.

i said...
i have something to tell you
and i don't want to waste the time we have.

she said...

i said...
i'm gay.

she said...

i replied,
why is that ok?

she said...
i've known,
it's ok.

i said...
tell me how you have known.

she said...
remember that GI JOE mom and dad bought you for 
christmas one year?  

of course i remembered it.
i hated it....
the commercials had planted the images in my head.
go out in a ditch
create a war scene...
mud bombs

i wasn't opposed to pretend war
i was horrified at 
the mess of pretend war....
the dirt,
and sweat of it all.

she said,
i worked so hard 
to get you to like that GI JOE.
i sewed clothes for him,
i encouraged you to go out and play.
you never would.
instead you played with SUSAN 
(our back door neighbor)
you preferred barbie and ken.

she was right.

she said,
i knew.
it's ok
i've always loved you
and i love you now.

such a simple conversation
such profound love.


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