coming out is continuous

my first words of coming out

were spoken at the lake

to two people

who were the most significant 

people in my life

and 

remain significant to this day...

my former wife

and my best friend. 

when you speak words out loud

that break open 

long years of denial

there is little room for turning back.

the truth of coming out

is that it is a continuous process

of telling people.

i had a number of people to tell.

i also began seeing a 

pastoral counselor.

the next four months

of my life were a whirl wind.

i had some of the deepest conversations of my life.

i heard again and again 

from people i knew a loved

and who loved me...

blake 

i knew

that you were gay.

he knew.

she knew.

they knew.

and with all this 

knowing

i was the one

who had lived in the dark.

it was a strange

and freeing journey.

along the way i learned 

about myself

through other people.

i suppose i finally had courage

to listen to the truth...

all the unspoken questions.

all the unspoken words.

all the unspoken fears...

were spoken.

i finally comprehended

that all the pieces of my 

personality i worked so hard to 

mask 

were really the foundation 

of what made me 

a good 

person...

a good father, 

friend, 

son, 

pastor...

one by one each person said to me...

yes, 

blake...

i knew.

i knew you were gay.

it's ok.

if they knew 

then who else knew?

who else should know?

it takes courage 

to speak your story.

i spent so many years believing 

i was not a courageous person...

after all i was a sissy

and we all know sissy's aren't courageous. 

well...

i beg to differ.

you can find out if you have courage...

start speaking the deep down truths of 

your life

and see if you have courage 

to hear what others have to say

when you do. 

one by one

person by person 

i told my story over the next four months. 

it was exhausting 

but freeing. 


i am so 
very fortunate.
all but a handful of people 
embraced me with unconditional love
realizing that i had 
finally begun to 
believe GOD'S love 
for myself.

only a handful of people
pushed me away...
people i continue to love and respect...
but people who do not 
allow my love and respect 
to remain 
in their lives.