Thursday, April 26, 2012

bully ways

a jelly fish - seems appropriate
when talking about bullies

this week is
anti-bullying week.

the stinging words and actions
of a bully can last a lifetime.
i've written about my bully
here before,
but i wasn't able
to tell all my story
my bully's name
tommy crosby
from conroe, texas.
he lived in river plantation.
i remember his name
like the church remembers
the name,
    p i l a t e.
i remember his name.
i also remember his
words and his fists.
i remember...
but i also know
    n o w
his pathetic show of power
was really rooted in his low self esteem.
he didn't like himself
so he took it out on me.
that's the way of a bully.
their weakness and fear
does not excuse the abuse
bullies force on others.
tommy yelled for the world to hear...
my world that is...
the others on the bus,
the others in the hall, 
the others in the neighborhood.
he yelled
    f a g !
a year ago my grown daughter and i 
took a walk in the neighborhood where i grew up.
we walked by tommy crosby's house.
i had her take a picture of me
on the front lawn where my bully lived.
i told my daughter about
    c r o s b y.
she said,
well dad
maybe he was just trying
to help you know who you are.
i got what she was saying.

she didn't think tommy crosby
was right or nice. 

she knew he was a bully
and bullies
in reality are the scardy cats...
weak people who
do not have the courage to
face their own fears and issues.
i got what she was saying.
i am
    g a y.

tommy crosby sensed that.
he was right.
he was so very wrong.
he never apologized
and he never will.
i don't need
    h i m   t o.
i've gained the wisdom
and the courage and the
    j o y

to walk in this world
with my head up and my
life intact.
tommy crosby
is only one of many bullies
in this world.

some bullies
never grow up...
because i've encountered
adult bullies.

one sat across my desk
in the pastor's study
and snarled
"but you are effeminate, and
i will always think that."

think that
if it makes you feel better
about yourself.
oh i remember!
but bullies
and their ways don't work with me
    a n y m o r e.
so i write
that others might know...
especially those who bully...

grow up, get over yourself,
and stop blaming others
for your inability
to live with confidence and joy.
so i write
that others might know...
especially those who are bullied...
stay strong, live in to who you are,
don't stay silent! 
and hear those like me
who are saying...
it gets
    b e t t e r !

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