This tree in my front yard holds one of the many nativities that I have collected. I call it my Protestant Grotto. In good weather I like to sit near this tree and think and pray. When there it feels safe.
It's raining and cold today. I can't sit there. I needed a refuge today.
In my quest to become better at protecting myself, as many have told me I need to learn how to do, I felt rather vulnerable today. I closed myself off in my office and read and wrote. I did come out to enjoy the Advent Organ recital and to talk with a few folks. But mostly I wanted to sit in the safety of my office.
I am learning that a person who has been pretty much an open book all my life....it's hard learning how to protect myself. I have all the head knowledge from Rabbi Friedman and others about how to be a less anxious person. Now I wait for the head knowledge to trickle down into my heart and emotions.
"Lord give me peace. Take the burden of my anxiety and anger and turn it into peace and joy. Help me to take care of myself and at the same time live in this community of faith You have called me to serve at this particular time. Remind me again and again that You are my refuge and strength. Amen."