i hope not to mean it again...

"i'm a christian, 
people say.

i say
already? 

i work so hard at it!
i blow it often
but i also 
ask forgiveness

i say 
i'm sorry 
i didn't mean it
sometimes 
i do though

sometimes i say,
i'm sorry 
i meant it
i hope not to mean 
it again!" - maya angelou

i've learned not to brag 
so loudly that i am 
a christian 
because to be a christian 
is a process

an up and down
back and forth
do good 
fail
and do again 
kind of journey

and when we are honest 
really honest 
sometimes
we mean to do and say
the very things 
we should be sorry
for

i've also lived long enough
to understand 
there are some things
i should have said and done
in the face of those things
other people have 
said and done
because it is 
the christian thing to do as well

and i can't get 
past 
what i say and do
and this is why 
it is so important 
to say that little thing
called 
a prayer of confession  

i cannot 
forget these words
i heard maya angelou 
speak 
when living 
in that city 
called 
nashville...

"i hear people say
i am a christian.

i say, 
already?!"

oh the darndest things 
christian's say
to others
to each other
to themselves...

recently 
a few of those 
words have tip 
toed 
back into my life

some of those
nouns and verbs 
still sting
some of them just 
make me giggle

others 
i remember
but 
let 
go

today i heard
words that 
were once spoken to me
about me
this time
the same words 
are being spoken about
another person
spoken 
by the same person

oh
the darndest things
we christians 
say

as we stand before the
christmas 
manger 
again
it might do us 
well 
not only to ponder
the infant 
messiah....
but to ponder what 
we say 
in earshot 
of
GOD'S
messiah