Thursday, October 11, 2012

i discovered the effects 
of denial
the inner voice
rooted in shame and fear 
tempting me to believe 
i was not good enough 
on my own merit

my wrestling match 
finally ended
and with new freedom
i finally silenced 
the inner voice 
of shame and fear

i shed denial
which meant 
a domino effect of changes 
in my life

like any change
some of the journey 
was utterly painful
and not all 
of the changes 
did i celebrate

when i speak of my 
coming out
i speak of new found courage
and freedom

i never 
believed i had 
and that is why i 
depended on 
others in my life
to do what i should 
have been capable of 
doing on my own

i didn't feel trapped
in all areas of my life
i didn't feel 
trapped in marriage
i loved my wife
i still love her
i love my family

i felt trapped and choked 
by the inner war
of insecurity 
and fear
and self 

i've spoken
given up
and done everything
i can to live what 
i say i believe

i don't
overly depend on others
i've learned to 
love myself
and to enjoy
life without
the inner wrestling

coming out 
is never an individuals journey
it involves 
all the others 
in ones life

though i 
the end of shame
and fear in my life
i also 
the faith and strength 
and love 
of my family
who have
all been involved
in this journey
with me
they too
are my story
and as they 
remain part of my story
i celebrate 
and thank them
for unconditional love

i only pray 
i can offer
the same kind of love

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