Saturday, June 23, 2012


there comes 
that moment.
her anonymous letter
and box of 
overly pious 
judgmental propaganda 
was that moment for me.

i finally 
discovered the courage
and the wisdom enough 
to say stop!

i've spent my life time 
listening to you
and others like you.

and for what?
so that i might grovel on my 
knees before GOD 
and pray that my 
GOD breathed soul...
the core of what makes me
be erased, taken away, covered up
all for the purpose 
that others like 
you might 
have satisfaction?

"take away  
my core identity 
so that others in my life
might be well."

i can't imagine 
what this prayer sounds 
like to GOD.

"look GOD...
it seems the particular molecules 
you put together 
when you created me
are offensive to other people.

you know, LORD...
i've been taught to be polite
and to care about what others 
think and feel...

and it's been my experience that 
others in my life are not 
comfortable with parts of my 

so, please...can you just
take away the things in my life
that make others uneasy.

they tell me in so many different ways
that you did not intend to make me this way...

don't worry,
they don't blame you...
they blame me
as if i had the power
and the ability to splice together 
the exact genes and molecules that make
up my being
and then bring them all to life.

i know you have power to do what i'm asking.
so please....
take away the parts of my core
so that others might be well.

will you just do what i'm asking
i'm exhausted.  

i've covered up 
remained silent,
willingly swallowed the slurs people of faith
have no problem spewing.
i've laughed at my self till i can't laugh anymore.

so, look LORD
just give me a do over.
it will make everyone else feel so much better.

take away my core identity 
so that others in my life might be well."

i wonder
what this prayer 
sounds like to GOD.

i prayed such a prayer 
for years.

i spoke words 
just like these 
more than anything 
i wanted everyone around me to be well. 

and this is what i discovered
during the past few years...

it was an illusion to believe that others 
were well and whole in my life because i 
pushed away
and degraded 
and shunned 
my GOD breathed and created

others were not well
nor was i.

what i discovered was
a prayer
such as the one above
is not only ignorant on my part
it was arrogant
and more than anything else in my life
these prayerful words were evidence of my 

i literally chose to live out brokenness 
in order that others 
around me
be well.

and GOD 
finally said...

STOP criticizing and devaluing 
what i created in you.

STOP living for other people 
and live for me.

STOP accepting flawed understandings
and definitions 
and live into the person 
i created you to be. 

and so
i've found the words and the prayers 
to do what GOD has been longing 
for me to do.

and so
i found the courage to tell others in my life
to STOP IT! 

stop defining me
as if you had the ability to 
lay the foundations of the earth...
or shut the sea with doors 
when it burst out from the womb...
or know when the deer in the wilderness 
crouches to give birth 
to their offspring.

are you the one who gave the horse its might?
did you clothe its neck with mane?  
do you make it leap like a locust?

is it by your wisdom that the hawk soars,
and spreads its wings toward the south?   
(Job 38-39)

pretending you have the 
power and creativity and righteousness
that only GOD can have.  

slandering me and others like me
as if your
voice was
the very voice of GOD.

i finally learned 
to know the difference.

and the difference 
was GOD'S gift of grace...
a gift that has led me to 
green pastures beside still waters.

i had no idea the 
green pastures and 
still waters 
were in a place called 
new jersey!

1 comment:

Linda C said...

This is just what I needed to hear. Thank you, my friend.