and GOD spoke

photos by wm. blake spencer

corsons inlet, new jersey

you might want to click
on the pictures today
they are quite breath taking...

growing up as a presbyterian, faith was:

orderly and moderate.

i believed GOD loved, and lived.

i believed GOD spoke...

but not directly to one like me.

GOD

of orderly, moderate faith

spoke in history, through history.

i was also taught GOD spoke in the present

but usually through the voices of others...

and when GOD spoke
it was always orderly and decent. 

my friends who were less orderly and moderate

and of the charismatic variety

often spoke of GOD being present in overly dramatic ways:

visions, dreams, other world speaking,
jumping, dancing, skipping, 

being slain (thrown to the floor), hooping, hollering.

their stories un-

nerved

me.

but i must admit...

this orderly, moderate, decent presbyterian boy

badly wanted GOD to speak directly to him.

"speak to me GOD...

but don't scare me!"

i suppose i was asking GOD

to be orderly and moderate.

and so GOD spoke

to me

on three separate occasions...

in very decent, orderly, beautiful ways.

the first two times GOD spoke to me

were ultimately a prelude for the third.

the first occasion followed

similar patterns from the BIBLE,

when GOD spoke with intention and

the person being spoken to doubted.

"i can't do what you want, GOD."

"i'm not smart enough."

"i don't have the resources, time, energy, interest...."

and GOD does not give up

and eventually the person responds accordingly. 

moses went to the pharoah.

ruth followed naomi.

jonah spoke GOD'S message.

mary embraced the angels announcement.

i...

i went to africa.

the last place i wanted to go.

i went to africa after a two month

wrestling match with GOD.

GOD methodically spoke,

it was clear who was speaking.

i went to africa and my mind and

heart were opened in ways

that changed me.

the second occasion GOD spoke to me

was more like a dream,

only i was awake and walking

on a trail at a presbyterian camp in kansas city.

i was walking and doubting

that i had what it takes

to continue 

being a minister of the word and sacrament...

i was struggling

to understand this thing called ministry.

so GOD unfolded before me a scene

using the nature right around me:

sycamore trees, spider webs, wildflowers, wind...

and then...

an encounter with what i can only describe as

the communion of saints...

one in particular who had died in high school -

accidentally electrocuted.

my band friends and i had

only tolerated his presence

when he was alive....

we let him mingle with our

glorious selves on the back of the band bus.

we called him "moth ball"

because his mother put moth balls in his uniform bag

and when he opened it to put it on

the entire bus was moth proofed!

he stood in the midst

of the other saints in communion that day,

the other saints all part of my extended family.

when i saw him

i stopped and literally began to speak outloud:

"why are you here?"

he told me what a decent and

loving and good person i was.

i responded,

"why are you saying these things?

we were so mean to you

when you were alive."

he said,

"no you were not mean to me. 

you don't know just how

connected and loved you made me feel."

and with that the scene lifted like

one of those puffy clouds on a summer day.

i haven't readily shared these stories,

because honestly

most orderly, moderate,

thinking people of my tradition

are not very interested in direct interactions with GOD.

but for me...

GOD knew

the only way i would cease and desist

with my self judgement and denial

was to interrupt the world as i know it and speak

with such clarity

that i could not mistake,

could not ignore,

could not push away

the WORDS GOD wanted me to hear

and the life GOD wanted me to claim.

so
i wasn't surprised

the third time GOD spoke with me.

i was ready....

that is a story for next week.

my daughter is coming for a visit

and i will be spending every moment

i can with her.