Thursday, June 23, 2011

what was is not


what used to
"eat my lunch"
"blow my fuse"
"drive me up the wall"
"go ballistic"
"scream blue murder"

is not so much.

i have reflected
why this is so
and heard the
wisdom from others
as to why
i have new perspective.

don't get me wrong.

i still get
upset
and still
bump into anxiety
and still
feel slighted from time to time.

i still
am an emotional being
and need to talk
and talk

but...


the words
actions
comments
reactions
manipulations
complications
misunderstandings
that used
to cause me
not to sleep...

that used to

cause me
to shut down...

are not.


one pastor recently preached
to surrender...

i did that.


not willingly at first
then
i just gave in.

i looked deep into
this God i
sense and hear and trust
and said
it's
your turn...
i surrender.

show me who you created me to be.
show me who to listen.
show me how to accept and receive.
show me where to go.

none of this makes me
superior
or better than thou
or marks me with
any kind of pedigree.

all it means is
that i see something
i did not see.

i sense something
i did not sense.

i hear
what i did not hear.

and

life
is
simply
easier
to live.

2 comments:

JoeWM said...

Awesome! I agree and related totally with this.

Sarah P. said...

I long to surrender and feel that peace, but haven't been brave enough yet. Someday...