anatomy of peace

The Anatomy of Peace
Resolving the Heart of Conflict
by
The Arbinger Institute

Been reading this book
here are some
quotes:

"Although nothing I can do in the present can take away the mistreatment of the past, the way I carry myself in the present determines how I carry forward the memories of those mistreatments. When I see others as objects, I dwell on the injustices I have suffered in order to justify myself, keeping my mistreatments and suffering alive in me. When I see others as people, on the other hand, then I free myself from the need for justification. I therefore free myself from the need to focus on the worst that has been done to me. I am free to leave the worst behind." (p104)

"Justification has some telltale signs....I've already mentioned a few - how we begin horribilizing others for example.....When our hearts are at wa, we tend to exaggerate others' faults; that's what we call horribilizing. We also tend to exaggerate the differences between ourselves and those we are blaming. We see little in common with them, when the reality is that we are similar in many if not most respects. We also exaggerate the importance of anything that will justify us." (p106)

Last night a dear long time friend said to me about her sister-in-law,
"She makes it very clear that she does not understand me,
but why can't she just accept me?"

Hmmm.
Why can't...
why don't
we more easily
accept
those people
we don't understand?

It is possible
if we have courage
and faith
to move past our
need to
"horriblilize"
each other.

I've been learning
it takes
a
heaping
dose of
humility
and
courage.

I've been learning
that such a journey
lands a person
smack dab
in the middle
of
unconditional love.

I've been learning
that talking and believing
in such things as unconditional love
pales in comparison
to living unconditional love.

I've been learning
that unconditional love
has nothing to do with
cheap grace....
it costs
to live into humility
and to claim courage.

But the
cost....
leads
to the truth
and the joy
and the freedom
and the life
that comes with
unconditional love.