to speak or not to speak...

So many words.

For 22 years I've listened
and for quite a number of reasons
did not rise to go to the microphone
to speak my name
and announce the church I was serving
and share my
opinion
conviction
belief
before the Presbytery.

A number of reasons
kept me silent.

I wasn't sure.
So I listened.

It's really never felt safe
to speak
with
honesty
candidness
an passion.
Though many do speak
with vibrato
many
many
others remain silent.
So I listened.

I heard every word.

Not that I'm a saint.
My inability to speak
my unwillingness to speak
is not necessarily the
quality of a saint living faith boldly.
I can't and won't be proud of this.

I will no longer blame my silent years on others.
I take full responsibility.

I also am living into my
priesthood of believers
sainthood of all believers
calling.

And now...
I'll begin to speak.

I've been speaking in this little space...
been practicing my words
forming them.

Along the journey
God has
unveiled grace
upon grace.

I couldn't see this grace before...
couldn't hear it.
But now I can.

In the full length stories of
people who have been
silenced in this day
just as they were in
former days...
I hear God's
grace.

And
it is
grace enough to
form and reform us
into a body...
a full body...
a body without
islands,
or closets.

There is grace enough
for God to heal.

I trust
in this
again.