Friday, June 15, 2012

photo by wm. blake spencer - a flower for my daughter

four july's back
i posted the picture above...
but the words of my post 
at that time 
could not tell the whole story. 
it wasn't time for all the story to unfold.

what i thought would be the worst moment of my life:
telling my children....
that i was/am gay
did not turn out to be the pit of hell 
i anticipated.  

the pit of hell would come another day
that place where some in the church 
say people like me will go....
well i went.

but for this posting
we are still at the lake 
in the initial days of my coming out.

it was not yet time 
to tell my daughter...
but it was time to begin 
preparing her.  

we had been in the little lake house for a week.
my daughter is beautiful and she is smart.
she was aware that her parents had done a lot of crying
over the course of the week
 so she asked...
"what's wrong?
why have you both been crying?"

i could tell her 
we were feeling the grief of change.
her mother, my wife
was also my co-pastor
and she had decided to leave the church 
and the ministry.
this was enough change to cause tears
and it did.

but the bigger story of divorce
would not happen for two more years. 
at least we thought....

it wasn't time to tell my daughter,
but it was time to prepare her.

so i gave her a flower...
the one in the picture above.
and i said 
i want you to hear my words and never
forget them....

change can never erase love.

she heard the words and repeated them.
she also kept that flower.
held it on our trip back home.

i had a huge poster of the picture above
with our words 
printed at the bottom:

change can never erase love.

that was and is our truth.
even when our truth 
would get shaken to the core
we held on 
to these words.

change can never erase love.  
and no amount of change
has erased our love...

the love i have for my daughter,
my son and my former spouse
can never be erased.

i believe the same 
for GOD.
change cannot 
erase the love GOD has for me.
change cannot 
erase the love i have for GOD.

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