Tuesday, June 5, 2012

but what about the anger?

photo by wm. blake spencer
corsons inlet, new jersey

a friend miles away
reads my blog.

she cares deeply for me
and expressed concern for me
after reading my most recent posts.

"i just don't want anyone to hurt you.
you are being so honest and sharing
your feelings in such a vulnerable way."

more bluntly put...
she was concerned about the anger
that mingles in pieces of my story.

so i had to assure her
i am really doing well.

i said...
i'm being very honest.

i said...
i'm being quite vulnerable with my feelings.

i said...
some of the story i tell comes with anger
past anger
and present anger.

but thankfully,
i finally have the courage to speak
in the midst of ongoing voices
who would rather
i be silent
and go away.

i can't be silent and
i can't go away
it's not an option
because i've been there
done that
and despite it all
GOD called me
and despite coming out of the closet
and honestly speaking about my life
GOD continues to
confirm my calling into ministry.

please know...
more than once
thought about leaving the church

but each question i asked
each turn i made
was invited
and encouraged to remain.

so i do.
and as i continue
i've discovered that my story
is very much
other people's story.

i've discovered
that as i share my story
and others share their story
i gain more clarity...
i live more deeply into GOD'S grace.

today i received a text from
another fellow storyteller....
he wrote:
"my mom spoke with the pastor...
the pastor is of the 'it's a choice
(to be gay) and they shouldn't make
it variety.
mom apparently said to him,
'one day, something is going to happen
and you are going to realize
the truth that this is
not a choice.
and i want you to think about
how you are going to feel
about how you
have treated
GOD'S children
when that happens.'"

such stories
resonate and mingle with mine
and help me to
i can no longer be afraid
to speak
and honestly.

i do believe
being open and honest
is part of our calling
to live faith.

to tell my story
is to share anger
and this is a big

i have experienced the freedom
and the grace that comes with
unconditional love
and this new found
freedom and grace
far outweighs the anger!

anger has been a thread in my life
choking me, holding me back
and sealing me off
and this is a big
anger no longer
has power over me.

i will tell the story
and this is a big but...

i will celebrate
the grace
i was taught
GOD offers
to all people...
and that includes me
and you
and them
and us.

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