but what about the anger?

photo by wm. blake spencer

corsons inlet, new jersey

a friend miles away

reads my blog.

she cares deeply for me

and expressed concern for me

after reading my most recent posts.

"i just don't want anyone to hurt you.

you are being so honest and sharing

your feelings in such a vulnerable way."

more bluntly put...

she was concerned about the anger

that mingles in pieces of my story.

so i had to assure her

i am really doing well.

yes

i said...

i'm being very honest.

yes

i said...

i'm being quite vulnerable with my feelings.

yes

i said...

some of the story i tell comes with anger

past anger

and present anger.

but thankfully,

yes

thankfully...

i finally have the courage to speak

in the midst of ongoing voices

who would rather

i be silent

and go away.

i can't be silent and

i can't go away

it's not an option

because i've been there

done that

and despite it all

GOD called me

and despite coming out of the closet

and honestly speaking about my life

GOD continues to

confirm my calling into ministry.

oh...

please know...

i

more than once

thought about leaving the church

but each question i asked

each turn i made

i

was invited

and encouraged to remain.

so i do.

and as i continue

i've discovered that my story

is very much

other people's story.

i've discovered

that as i share my story

and others share their story

i gain more clarity...

i live more deeply into GOD'S grace.

today i received a text from

another fellow storyteller....

he wrote:

"my mom spoke with the pastor...

the pastor is of the 'it's a choice

(to be gay) and they shouldn't make

it variety.

mom apparently said to him,

'one day, something is going to happen

and you are going to realize

the truth that this is

not a choice.

and i want you to think about

how you are going to feel

about how you

have treated

GOD'S children

when that happens.'"

such stories

resonate and mingle with mine

and help me to

claim

i can no longer be afraid

to speak

openly

and honestly.

i do believe

being open and honest

is part of our calling

to live faith.

yes,

to tell my story

is to share anger

but

and this is a big

but....

i have experienced the freedom

and the grace that comes with

unconditional love

and this new found

freedom and grace

far outweighs the anger!

anger has been a thread in my life

choking me, holding me back

and sealing me off

but

and this is a big

but....

anger no longer

has power over me.

i will tell the story

but....

and this is a big but...

i will celebrate

the grace

i was taught

GOD offers

to all people...

and that includes me

and you

and them

and us.