Monday, June 25, 2012

another pause for clarification

you don't get anywhere with anger
my mom reminded me today
and she is correct in many ways
and i've learned 
the lesson she speaks 
more than once.

it is important to acknowledge anger
and to know where it comes from
and to know how to feel it
and to know how to talk about it
and to know how to live through it.
and to understand how anger 
can serve as the path to deeper living. 

is what i am trying to do 
in this space.

i plan to share a lot of my story...
but as any story goes
one must start from the beginning.

as my story progresses 
i pray you also encounter the 
freedom, happiness and love 
that i have discovered
in this coming out process.

today i pause to share 
what i've been experiencing 
as i have been remembering 
and telling my story.

i did not expect the emotion 
of past stories to grab hold of me...
but it has.

remembering does involve 
on some level

i did not expect the re-living 
of some of these life episodes 
to open the way for insight...
but this is what has happened as well. 
i suppose this is why i blog.

it takes courage to remember and re-live
and glean insight.

i'm determined to have 
courage and 
i'm determined to make this 
journey in full...
this journey GOD has called me to take.

face your truth.
this is my calling...
and in so doing
i am discovering the value and purpose
of my life. 

face your truth.
this is my calling...
and in so doing
i open myself to others more deeply
and learn the value and purpose 
of their lives.

coming out...
coming to terms with 
and telling others 
i am gay
is the truth i have been facing 
these last four years
and facing truth
involves every emotion
of which anger is one.

we prefer to avoid anger
and pretend it is not part of our lives...
and you would think that on a blog
named laughing
anger would play a 
minor role...

but the truth i have 
encountered is
the more in tune i am 
to the presence of anger in life...
the less power anger has
a hold on my life
and the less power anger has 
in my life...
the more delicious 
the gift of laughter becomes:

the healing snorts
and joy filled gasps
and comforting ripples of giggles.

so yes, 
anger is here
it is a reality
but so too 
is the reality of life beyond anger.

i hope to express 
both sides of my life experience.

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