Thursday, April 19, 2012

starting over...

first presbyterian - eldorado arkansas
saint andrew presbyterian - san antonio, texas
first presbyterian - richardson, texas
first presbyterian - gatesville, texas
second presbyterian - nashville, tennessee
pleasantville presbyterain - pleasantville, new jersey

photos from my journey...
evidence of people and places
i have been.

one picture is missing
of advent presbyterian in houston.
they no longer worship in the same building.

it began in my late teenage years -
this call to serve the church.

when it began
i didn't realize
just how many new
beginnings i would experience...

just how many times i would
have to re-orient myself...

just how many times i would
have to re-establish my story...

just how many times i would
have to learn communication patterns and
personalities and names and stories
and regrets, fears,
and hopes...

just how many times i would
have to dig deep down in my being
to learn again
my strengths and weaknessess,
my needs, and hopes,
my regrets, and fears...

i'm not complaining
simply telling what has been
and what is.

starting over
is a fixed reality in my life experience.

each new beginning
requires that i evaluate
what it is i will bring into
the new land...
and what it is
will let

though newness is a constant reality...
also constant
is the insight
i have gained along the way.

starting over
i've learned takes

far too long i lived life
believing i was not courageous

but this journey has
whittled away
old notions of self doubt.

i'm not saying i don't doubt
or have moments
when i falter and fumble

i've just learned
that the faltering and fumbling and doubting
eventually fades
and what is left
is the constancy
of light and love.

none of us are exempt from
the constancy of new beginnings
even when we
stay in the same physical place.

40 days
40 years
40 generations...
the passing of time
it's part of all our lives.

from this point of view
the story of my journey has
become more clear...
as i've let go
as i've held on to...

i've busied myself
gleaning the grace
GOD has dispersed
even in those moments when
grace seems lost.

once again
i begin

holding on
letting go...

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