past grace

Some experiences with grace
stick with you.

Today I think of the one
I once was in conflict with.
We were at that
draw the line in the sand moment...
either you or me
is going moment.
We stayed that way for months.

It was the words of another
who jolted me to a new reality.
Simple words...
not going there
take another route
kind of words.

So I found another way.
It took swallowing a bit of pride
stuffing down some emotions
letting go of some control
seeing the bigger picture.

Finally I was able to
write a letter...
expressing my hopes,
the reality of the width
and depth of God's love
and the room enough in
Christ's church for people
who are not necessarily on the same page.

I didn't expect
any change....
from past experience
I suspected too much
had already been said and felt.

It wasn't immediate
and there was never
direct acknowledgment of the
letter I had written...
but slowly
something new begin to emerge.

He offered humor
but this time not cutting...
this time it was laced
with grace.

Eventually
he moved past vague words
and became specific.

"You've had the courage
to share your genuine
emotion with us.
That makes what you say
in your sermons real.
I respect you.
I am thankful for you."

He continued
to say such things
the rest of my tenure.

I hold on to those words.
They are a gift I choose to keep
and cherish.

Whether or not
his respect of me
and or thanksgiving for my
ministry remains
in years to come
is his choosing
and keeping
and cherishing.

I will hold
on to what was given
without condition.