time to think...

This...

my last post

before the

"post counter"

flips to 666.

This past year has afforded me

a considerable amount of time

to do some

serious thinking.

Time

and

thinking

can be

overwhelming

when paired.

Not every step
I've taken has been graceful

but

every step I have taken

has led me to grace...

despite

the grief and pain

I have had to breathe.

Oh...

I can conjure up in my mind

all the

UN

graceful

words, and thoughts, and letters

that have come my way through

the years...

But!

(side note: I've been taught that the word "but"

negates what one has just spoken. So it is with

great joy that I am able to write the word: But!)

But!

All those

un

grace

filled

things

no longer have power

over my life.

For indeed

I have had

a considerable amount of time

to think.

In many ways this past year has been a

sabbatical....

BUT

not in the tradtional sense of the word.

I didn't plan this particular time...

this particular time

claimed me.

The truth of the matter is this.

Some days I wallowed in all the things

we wallow in.

And in those moments

of

wallow-

ing

I give thanks for the people who

surrounded me...

the people who were able

to believe

and trust

and hope

when I

could

not.

Time to think.

These two things

paired themselves

and in the pairing...

I've met myself.

Yep.

I've met myself.

And the grace I've recieved

allows me to admit...

I like

who I've met.

I'm not talking

ego stuff

or the attributes of a snob.

Though I've been guilty of those things at times.

I'm talking about

finally

trusting God...

trusting...

God who formed me.

God who claimed me.

God who has forgiven me.

God who has unfolded new life for me.

Trust.

I finally trust

God's

reasons for loving me.

This has not been an easy journey...

it has taken courage,

patience

and time

to think.

Time

and

thinking

can be

an overwhelming pairing.

BUT...

such pairings

are the very tools

God often uses

to lead us

to new beginnings.