I recieved these words written by John Claypool this past weekend and they do help to make sense of my life at the moment. "Grief comes back to this: we run out of time." And indeed this is what has happened. My wife and I have run out of time as far as our marriage goes. This next week we will visit a divorce laywer. I know that many will not understand, but that is really okay. Relationships are really only for the two who are in the relationship to fully understand. And the truth of all relationships: everyone has struggles, denials, pain, hurt, mistakes and if someone says they don't they are lying. The other reality is that the discernment and the decisions as to what to do about struggles, denials, pain, hurt and mistakes are different for each couple.
Though the past year has been abundantly difficult this I know.....that once the emotion and the logistics of divorce conclude....my future ex-wife and I will have a deeper understanding of each other and ourselves.
My opinion is: those who avoid deeper understanding of self, and life avoid living truth and thus avoid true wholeness.
I stand ready for gasps, and comments and whispers (those have already begun)....that is what always happens when news like this breaks. Some will clammor to have known things about us all along. Others will cast judgment. The bottom line: I am not the first to experience divorce and I will not be the last. The bottom line: I have and am discovering God's unconditional love for the first time in my life even in the midst of deep grief.
Endings of any kind desporately hurt. And those who say they don't hurt, lie. But what I have discovered again and again in years of sitting with people in the midst of grief is that time may indeed run out but life continues.
My life will continue as well as the life of my family. I trust that, believe that, and celebrate that. I will not regret my journey thus far....I will grab hold of courage to take the next steps in my journey. In the coming days and weeks and months I will rely on the prayers of those who know and love me most, it is prayer that will nurture and sustain me.
7 comments:
May you have comfort in your pain and safe places to grieve your loss. May you have rebirth and peace, my brother! And don't forget to breathe.
You've heard me say this before, but I will say it again in this context:
Gospel is truth that is already true, before we even know it, whether we like it or not, and whether we do anything about it or not.
A big part of the whole gospel truth is that you are loved, that you have gifts that other people need, and because you have gifts other people need, you are important - the world will be different because you are in it.
May you encounter gospel love - the kind of love that was true before you knew it, and remains true regardless of how you do or do not respond to it.
May you encounter gospel giftedness - reminders both large and small that other people need you, and that you need other people.
And may you encounter gospel importance - may you see that the world is better off because you are in it.
Paz y mas paz.
Yeah, what Jared said, cause he says things in a much better way than I.
I wish both of you well as you go through this difficult time.
There's a favourite hymn of mine that says - "laughter with tears brings most healing relief ..."
Today the "laughing" pastor has reminded us of the fullness of Grace and Joy. That even in the dark moments the Gospel breaks through ...
thank you my brother, and blessings,
So many prayers.
So many prayers for you and your family.
Haven't been by your blog (or anyone's) for a while. So sorry to read this news. Praying for you both at this sad time.
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