laughing pastor

come holy spirit

2012-02-10T09:45:00.000-08:00

photo by blake spencer

friday prayer:

come holy spirit

holy three

in one

come

dwell

and sit.

fill the space

and the time

that is here

and now.

offer

grace filled

wisdom.

come holy

spirit

the great

I AM

WHO

I AM...

touch my shoulder

hold my hand

as i prepare

to go into

a new land.

may promise

and memory

and hope

and experience...

may insight

and imagination

take root.

come holy

spirit

create

redeem

and sustain

again.

thoughts written down

2012-02-09T09:53:00.000-08:00

photo by blake spencer

thoughts written

down on note cards

from along my

journey:

let me teach you

with my laughter.

your not overwhelmed

you are pregnant

with possibility and

insight.

the results of

overflowing love

are tears.

sometimes it

all feels

backwards.

a little bread

and butter and

some time

makes all the difference.

it takes courage
to voice the
reality of the
present.

what i've

learned can never

be taken

from me.

i don't have
to do that anymore.

some people
try to hide
their brokenness
with
hairspray
and perfume.

trust
rather than
talking about trust.

i know you
more deeply
when you share
your fears.

the myth
of perfection
blinds us
from joy.

how beautiful

when someone

else

gets it.

drive a stake into

the

more on forgivenness

2012-02-08T09:09:00.000-08:00

photo by blake spencer

words from others

on forgiveness:

forgiveness means it finally becomes
unimportant that you hit back.

you're done. it doesn't necessarily mean

that you want to eat lunch with

the person.

if you keep hitting back,

you stay trapped in the nightmare.

- Anne Lamott

forgive and forget, we are told.

but can we simply forget what has happened....?

christian forgiveness is not ignorant --

it knows,

but still offers grace.

- F. LeRon Shults

forgiveness is one of the

only forms of freedom

that any person

can give to another.

- Beverly Flanigan

we have to see potentials

in the lives of even the worst people,

have to see that it is

we who can

dam the flow of grace.

-Martin E. Marty

hmmm.

words to ponder.

i do have to admit though

sometimes

the words of

Elizabeth I

resonate:

GOD may forgive you,

but i never can.

and then

again...

there is

Desmond Tutu:

without forgiveness,

there is no future.

the weight of words

2012-02-07T14:38:00.000-08:00

why are some

w O r d s

heavier than

others?

i spoke

words to a friend

clarifying

all the while

i was

speaking to myself...

about

this thing

this habit

we must let go

of.

we hear three words

designed to

critique, hurt, tear down,

and they are given

more emphasis,

more power...

more weight

than the twenty other

words spoken and written

for encouragement,

healing,

lifting up.

why?

why...on some days

do some words

carry more weight?

and why

do snarly,

snippy,

sour words

get more distance

and dig more deeply?

it has everything to do

with the recipient

this is what

i have been told

how the words

are received

matter.

it is time

to evaluate this

process

again

and consider

why it is

we allow

some words

more

weight than
others.

in the end...

some words

simply are

meant to return

unmarked

unread.

put me in a pot!

2012-02-06T11:20:00.000-08:00

baby wayde 20 years ago

put me in a pot

and twirl me

till i laugh.

put me in a pot

and let me

sit here

in the middle of the room

until i don't want to

anymore.

put me in a pot

because

i can do

what you can't do...

little legs folded tight

arms up

in the air...

big eyes

taking it all in.

put me in a pot

and twirl me

around

until

i can't

laugh anymore.

put me in a pot!

interim reflection

2012-02-04T08:11:00.000-08:00

photo by blake spencer

i've lived interim

for the past four years.

temporary,

transition

in my personal life

as well as

in the particular

calling i've had

in the church.

there is a lot to

experience and learn

in times

called interim.

i give thanks for the

willingness of some

who take the risk of

befriending the temporary.

i've discovered

this risk...

making friends

with folks and places

who are defined as temporary...

can lead to

forever

friendships,

forever memories.

most of life is

transitional,

interim,

in between

here and there...

we just don't like

to think of it that way.

i've had the

challenge

and the joy

of discovering

a new way to

live into life

in this time

called interim.

i walk into the

direction of long term

and rootedness

with

much more

insight than

i've ever had in life.

in the temporary

found
some forevers!

momma's boy: part 2

2012-02-02T12:13:00.000-08:00

yep that's what i was called:

momma's boy.

though most internet

definitions define

a momma's boy

as an

immature adult man

overly dependent

on his mother...

this term was

tossed my way as a child.

it came with other

adjectives:

wimp,

sissy,

wuss...

scardy cat,

chicken,

loser.

i've been thinking about

my childhood lately...

which offers the occasion

to reflect on all of life.

more than thinking...

i've been digging

and allowing

memories and emotions

and old ways of thinking

to bubble to the surface.

sure...

i freely admit

there have been many

things in life that have caused

fear.

sure...

i freely admit

there have been many

reasons i've hid

and depended on others

to get me through.

but...

and...

along the way

i've spent a great deal of time

observing and taking in

all the scenes and words

and stories.

what may have looked

like to others as weakness

has really been....

as I have been reflecting...

astute awareness

on my part.

all my

observing

and listening

and processing

are now the result of

understanding

and strength.

momma's boy: part one

2012-02-01T15:54:00.000-08:00

as one country song sings:

i was born in the

middle of hurricane season...

literally

in the middle of

september

on the gulf coast of texas

in a city called

body of christ...

corpus christi,

i was born.

in the early morning hours

my mothers body

began labor

a hurricane of sorts...

but the doctor

was not readily available

and did not arrive

in time for pain medicine

to be administered.

my mother tells this

story with vivid memory

and to this day holds

that doctor accountable

for his lateness.

maybe this is why i am

rarely late

and mostly early

every where i go!

i was born in the middle of

hurricane season

when weather patterns

are

as unpredictable

and unstable as

life

can be.

and though instability

and the unexpected

can be threatening

and along the journey

through childhood and adolescence

i was threatened

and given the name

"momma's boy"

along with many

other monikers...

some

intential

intended to hurt...

and into adulthood

i remained intimated

by many things in life...

i am here to say

the winds have changed.

i've discovered

how to weather

storms that brew in life...

i've uncovered

the courage

i thought i never had.

there is wisdom

and strength to be had

for those born

in the middle of hurricane seasons...

and for those

caught in the high winds

of life events.

i'm here to say

that my momma's courage

on that night

in the middle of september

when her doctor was late

has been

the very courage

incubating deep within

and now

has

been born

through the labor

of the last four years.

i'm running to the shore...

i'm on the beech...

and the winds

and the swirling clouds

do not threaten

but instead

are a gift.

in the middle of

hurricane season

i breathed my first breath...

and

i am still

breathing!

reflections

2012-01-31T11:20:00.000-08:00

photo by blake spencer

reflections?

this was his only

probing question each week.

he squinted his eyes and

spoke this word

week after week?

reflections?

as if this one word question

was enough
to open the

damned up secrets

and feelings,

thoughts and

desires

deep within.

reflections?

oh,

indeed there was

and remains

plenty to

reflect upon!

how we share

what we think and feel,

who we share

what we think and feel with...

well...

that all comes down

to trust.

i am thankful

for the gift of some

mighty wise people

who have created

a space for trust

in my life...

who allow me to reflect

who not only listen

but offer me

patient,

nudging

reflections.

reflections?

indeed,

i have them.

reconciliation

2012-01-30T13:23:00.000-08:00

photo take by blake spencer

forgiving

and being

forgiven is

a journey

a process like

everything else in life.

though there are expectations

for reconciliation

to be a neat

and tidy finality

this is not always

what happens.

we long to be forgiven

and at the same time we

struggle to forgive.

we live on both sides of this

story

most of the time.

misunderstandings,

feelings,

mistakes,

misinformation,

assumptions,

lies,

ego and arrogancy,

power struggles,

rejection,

abuse,

and hatred...

all these things are why

we need forgiving and to forgive.

this is a conversation

that is always relevant,

always current.

we wait,

others wait.

i wait,

you wait.

they wait.

and sometimes

it doesn't seem possible

this act of reconciling.

talk to the woman at the well from samaria.

talk to the son called prodigal.

they can tell you about

the journey,

the costs,

the pain.

they can tell you about

the unexpected grace

that leads to healing.

when you can't forgive...

when i can't forgive...

when they don't forgive....

when we don't forgive...

this is when we turn

to what we say we believe.

GOD

loves when we fail to.

GOD

forgives when

we cannot fathom such.

GOD

does

what we can't

and won't do.

reconciliation is a journey,

a process.

so one step at a time

we move

into the direction of forgiveness.

some days it seems

we don't get anywhere

but

GRACE

waits for us...

nudges us...

and eventually

embraces us.

covered by generations

2012-01-27T09:32:00.000-08:00

my great-grandmother's

hand work remains.

evidence of her nimble fingers

piecing together quilts

made from strips of

cloth from clothing worn

by my ancestors.

the quilts survived a house fire

and remain a link

to stories and lives

of folks i only know

through faded

pictures.

one of these old quilts,

i use.

on cold tennessee nights

i cover myself

with the colors and

stories from generations ago.

on chilly nights and early mornings

as i reflect on my life,

sometimes worry about my life...

i realize the significance of being

covered and nurtured

held and hugged

by the treads and stitches,

pieces and knots

of the quilt

and of the stories

created by the hands of my great-grandmother.

literally,

i am wrapped

in history...

and with this

knowledge

i am comforted

and covered by

generations

who have come before me.

with this history

i gain courage

and am bolstered by love

to step into

my future.

somewhere in time and along the way

2012-01-26T13:43:00.000-08:00

peer in san clemente, california

along the way

in this time called interim

i have had the blessing of

wandering and wondering

seeing and savoring.

buffalo, rochester and niagara

los angeles, san fransico,

san clemente, san diago,

nashville, gatesville,

north and south jersey,

new york city.

in the theme of forrest gump

i've walked and driven

more miles than any other

time in my life.

each place,

each mile,

each person

uncovering a bit more of

GOD'S intention

for my life.

along the way i've had no clue

what to expect

which has required

trust

like i've never trusted before.

surprised by the unexpected

i've become witness

to the gentle

plodding

nudging

persistence of

GOD.

words i've spoken

now i've lived

GOD behind me

GOD beside me

GOD before me.

i prepare again

to say good-bye

to say hello

to give thanks...

for i do not do this alone

that is my gift...

i do not live this alone.

along the way

i have discovered again

the gifts that will always be mine

somewhere in time

these gifts are always mine

no matter what.

along the way

i've learned to open my life

to new gifts,

new beginnings,

new stories

yet to be written.

along the way

and somewhere in time

that is what

i am.

traveling with good company

2012-01-25T10:58:00.000-08:00

this month i took a journey

from sea to shining sea...

from south jersey to

los angeles to be exact.

breakfast in the morning in mays landing

dinner in the evening in silver lake.

i met my new home in

south jersey at exit 36

and celebrated the birthday

of a friend on the west coast.

a delightful journey indeed.

on my trip back

to my current tennessee home

i stood in line at the airport

and noticed who was

on the standby list

with a request for an upgrade.

GOD/ M

the "m"

i'll let you translate.

the GOD...

well that one i will just trust

and appreciate on my own.

not sure the upgrade

was offered

so i'll never know

if GOD

got first class

or aisle or window seat.

i on the other hand

landed the exit row with

extra leg room.

a delightful journey

in so many ways.

stand by

upgrade

hallelujah

and amen.

from sea to sea

2012-01-12T17:43:00.000-08:00

from sea to shining sea

i am blessed

to be.

baptism and grace

2012-01-09T11:39:00.000-08:00

photo by blake spencer - mo ranch/hunt,tx

yesterday we renewed our

vows of baptism...

walking to the water

to touch and hear again the

words of promise and life.

and i remembered these stories:

i remember the young woman

who did not grow up in a church

but was marrying a man who had been

a member of the church

she said,

"i want the first thing i do as a married woman

is be baptized and join the church."

so she was.

on her day of wedding

kneeling in her beautiful dress

water dripping down her forehead

she spoke,

"i believe, i belong."

two faithful women

presenting their wheel chair bound daughter

surrounded by the children of the church

discovered the grace of having a home.

a middle aged couple...

he was raised jewish,

she not raised with faith...

knelt down and were baptized together...

standing up they said,

"we found our home."

and dorcas

seven year old girl

with unique gifts some consider to be disabilities...

when baptized she loudly yelled to the speaking of her name...

yes!

her yes resonated

and planted a new beginning.

after our renewal

and when i was at home

i received a text sharing the story of a grandson

at his baptism.

during the prayer the young boy

dipped his hand into the font

and doused his head with water again

and again!

to this the grandmother writes:

sometimes grace
seems to just fall on us

and we can feel it

with no apparent effort on our part.

but sometimes we have to reach for the

grace that is there,

within our grasp, for the

experiencing.

sometimes we have to

"self

anoint."

here and there

2012-01-06T14:52:00.000-08:00

photo by blake spencer/natchez trace near nashville

here and

there.

how did i get here

when i was there?

i
is a relative
term.

i is me.

i is you.

i is her and him and them.

i thought i was there

and now i am here.

it all happens
so quickly

it seems.

now i'm here

when i'm ready
to be there.

all we can do

is be where we are.

and where we are

is rarely

here nor there...

usually we are between

the place we were

and the place we are
to be.

in between

the here

and the there,

memories

merge

with the

what will be.

this is where we

always seem to be...

in journey

between

here and there.

i am here

i soon will be there...

just as i was there

and now i am here.

another generation...another nap

2011-12-29T11:34:00.000-08:00

it wasn't
that long ago
the big one in the back
seat
was the little one.

now the big
one has a little
one of his own.
and it seems
some things remain
the same
from one generation to the next!

settle in the
seat for a
long or short
ride in the car
and he is,
they are not
long for the world!

another napping
boy,
this time with
his daddy.

there is
nothing better.

a long winters nap

2011-12-27T17:41:00.000-08:00

i'm just
thinking...

more naps
might,

just could

make this world
a kinder
and gentler
place.

tidings of joy

2011-12-26T19:59:00.000-08:00

their faces tells the whole story.

christmas eve call

2011-12-24T12:13:00.000-08:00

photo by blake spencer

a text

and a call

pre -

christmas eve worship

conversations.

partly angst

that we're not yet

in the company of the ones we love

and for two...

the one who texted,

the one who called,

they expressed their sadness

that the holiday is not

the way

they desire.

it is easy to forget

that for some

holidays are

harsh reminders

of what was

and what is not.

some call it

a blue

christmas.

and for some reason

each and every season

i spend time

before these

worship services
on christmas eve

feeling blue.

so with these blues

i wait

thinking of those

i love....

thinking of those

i don't even know.

not because i'm some martyr

not because i'm some saint

but just because

there is a piece of

loneliness in each

one of us

and we all seek

room...
we all seek home...

we all seek

something more.

peace...

peace on earth

and peace in heart.

peace....

peace be ours

this night.

in the unlikely moments of life

2011-12-23T13:58:00.000-08:00

photo by john hileman

the simple song of the manger

is a carol calling us to wisdom…..

wisdom enough to allow

God’s grace to be born

in our weakness.

and when we become

vulnerable enough

to make room for God’s grace

to shine like a night

star

in the unlikely

moments of our life…..

this is when

we begin

to live

the nativity

story.

home

2011-12-23T13:27:00.000-08:00

photo by blake spencer

this is my home

this is her home

this said

forgetting

that it is also

my home.

this is my home

this is her home

this is my home too.

this said

near a night

when we remember

their search for a room

landed them in a stable.

this is my home.

this is her home.

this is my home too.

and there was no room.

we tug and push

and long

for home

and when there was no room

GOD

did what we

fail to do

and created

home...

a home...

the home...

for

you,

for her,

for me,

for them,

for us.

this is home.

welcome

home.

2011-12-22T07:12:00.000-08:00

photo by blake spencer

A favorite song of mine by

Dan Fogleberg:

Wandering shepherd, wander no more
Wandering shepherd, wander no more
Wandering shepherd, wander no more
Lay down your troubles, your worries and woes

Traveling pilgrim, rest for the night
Traveling pilgrim, rest for the night
Traveling pilgrim, rest for the night
Sup with the Savior and drink of His light

Homeless believer, find here a home
Homeless believer, find here a home
Homeless believer, find here a home
You may be lonely but never alone

yule log carol

2011-12-20T09:47:00.000-08:00

it could snow here

but my friend says not so there

for him

down south christmas

comes with the reality

of tropical heat.

it could snow here

it did last year.

"you can't leave tonight

they said."

but i did.

i slid out of the state

just in time.

it could snow again

but partly

i hope it doesn't.

i'll keep this picture

of snow instead.

christmas eve ends with worship

and this year

christmas

begins with worship...

that's what happens

when christmas day

is Sun -

day.

merry christmas

my dear friends

old and new.

merry christmas.

two photos

2011-12-20T09:40:00.000-08:00

wayde's thanksgiving fishing sunset

damian on dad's carriage

a poem for katy

2011-12-19T09:59:00.000-08:00

photo by blake spencer

chosen by love

by william blake spencer

(in honor of the ordination of katy schneider halliburton)

a lovely story

with a simple beginning:

a young girl chosen by love.

like many before her she came to church

and discovered just how large a family could be…

just how magnificent love might grow

when people make promises

and when promises are kept.

the waters of baptism

springing to life:

one pastors nudging guidance

leading a couple to adoption…

another tall pastor with a gentle heart

proclaiming his love with a nickname…

christmas plays, and long youth trips

lessons and laughs

all reflecting the ancient story

whispered from one generation

to the next.

and with those whispers

GOD spoke again…

hovering and breathing

dreaming and creating

calling out from the wilderness

walking across the waters

saying and singing,

“come

follow me.”

a simple story

of a young girl

growing into a young woman

and this is when I met her.

life dancing in her eyes

revealing spirit and passion.

her commitments were deep…

“i won’t drink coca cola again,

i just will not!”

and there was reason

and most likely still is

which was and is the evidence

of living what one says they believe.

one spring day

sitting on the bench near the

beautiful carved wooden doors

in the courtyard symbolizing the

garden of gethsemane

the very spot where JESUS prayed

and cried and said,

“not my will be done,

but yours, Lord.

your will be done.”

and the story continued with

a whisper,

“katy, i believe

you are called

to this thing called ministry.

just hear those words now

and then wait to see where

GOD might lead you.”

a simple story:

a young woman called

like many before her…

sarah and ruth,

hagar and hannah,

chloe and dorcas,

phoebe and priscilla

and now
katy.

katy

chosen

by love

to be loved

and to love…

chosen to continue the story

to be the pages

upon which others

write their stories.

chosen to

cherish and savor

the goodness

GOD longs for all to

know,

for all to live.

chosen to dig

deeper into life

to listen and hear

to see and to tell

to comfort and hold

and lift up the tangible elements

that proclaim

GOD’S covenant.

so on this day

kneel

and feel

the warm and heavy grace

pulsing through the hands

of those who have

also been nurtured and sustained

by the GOD of

unconditional

love.

on this day

celebrate…

for you

dear one

stand upon holy ground.

breathe and dance

speak and write

continue

the story

you have been given

through faith

and by faith.

katy

schneider

halliburton

you are a child of GOD

called and

chosen by love.

every day a crossing...

2011-12-16T09:16:00.000-08:00

bridge in gatesville

everyday

there is a crossing

to cross.

getting across

sometimes can be a challenge,

the challenge.

honestly...

some days we cross

step by step...

with a little effort

and some emotion,

but we cross nonetheless.

other days we don't.

other days we get stuck...

frozen in the middle

paralyzed by

indecision

or emotion...

and yet

another day comes

and the crossing is there to cross

and with courage and peace

and wisdom...

and with the help of

those who truly care for us...

with the grace only GOD

can give us

we make it.

these words spoken to me yesterday,

spoken by a friend:

how we handle

stress

may be the best gift

we give to others.

words like these

help get us across

the crossing.

again!

2011-12-15T12:43:00.000-08:00

swings at fauntleroy park

years back we just yelled it

at the top of our lungs

with a smile on our face

with joy in our eyes...

again!

push me again!

do it again!

years back when

we discovered

some life occasion

was too joyful

not to experience

again

immediately

again!
we would
yell!

i want to

experience the

joy,

the laughter,

the depth of the moment

again!

i have had some moments
this week

to recall

some of the very people and places,

some of the sounds and tastes,

some of the words,

music

and whispers,

dreams

i have been blessed to

experience...

and all i have to say is

again!

push me again!

do it again!

and then...

2011-12-14T14:51:00.000-08:00

photo by blake spencer

isn't it

interesting...

one day it feels...

it seems

the clouds

and doubts and

power plays

hold the end

of the story.

in this season of the

manger...

of donkey carrying mother

of shepherds in the their fields

of stars in the night sky...

i can't help

but ponder

the many clouds and doubts

and power plays

that took place

in Jesus'

time...

in Jesus' life.

we sing

silent night,

but we can't sing

without the

truth of what

will come in the

stories after the manger.

isn't interesting...

how clouds and

doubts and

power plays

seem to win

one day...

and then in an instant,

in a word...

a new perspective,

a new reality.

it's gospel

story stuff

it is.

one day
it is this,

and then...

openly receiving and living

2011-12-13T09:05:00.000-08:00

photo by blake spencer

this week we

read and speak

mary's story.

the one we forever

name
virgin

and yet

she was so much more.

she gave birth.

she proclaimed faith.

she witnessed incarnation

like no other human has or will.

mary...

the virgin,

the woman who proclaimed

the woman who lived

faith with not only

her body,

but her words,

her life,

her story.

sing your song

mary.

sing your

song from

the start.

sing your

song with

all your heart.

sing your song

again...

that we might

live faith

with our

words,

with our bodies,

with our lives.

window of wisdom

2011-12-12T09:09:00.000-08:00

photo by blake spencer -gatesville, tx

i'm in the third year

of a season of

life called

interim.

i serve

the church

as an interim

pastor.

along the way

this interim

season

has offered

me new

insight

and some wisdom.

i hope to not

forget

what i learned

on this interim

path.

here are a few

bits of wisdom

from the way:

there is always grace to glean.

accepting help from

others is not a mark of

weakness but strength.

home is discovered in the

least expected places.

lasting words...

2011-12-07T09:15:00.000-08:00

unlike sticks

that break

and stones

that crumble...

words last

for better

and worse...

words last.

some words

spoken aren't worth

keeping...

other

words are

meant for a life

time

to cherish

and hold

and keep.

i've been thinking of

spoken words

and the ones who spoke them...

words of promise,

respect, love,

relationship,

hope,

gratitude...

words spoken

that i might hear

words i choose

to keep

no matter what.

grass withers

flowers fade

but words...

holy life breathing

life creating

life nurturing

life sustaining

words

remain forever.

so to those who have

spoken such

life giving, loving

words to me

during my lifetime

i hold on to the words

you spoke

and the words you speak

no matter what

i hold on

lasting words.

a time for...

2011-12-06T14:28:00.000-08:00

photo by blake spencer

there is a time

for all things

as we learn

from ancient wisdom.

a time to hunker down

and a time to run free...

a time to cry and

a time to laugh...

a time to do what is practical

and a time to dream

and think outside the box.

some

times

i forget

there is a time

for all things.

some

times

i think

the time for some

things is inconvenient.

some

times

some things

that don't feel right

are really

right on time

and just in time

even though we can't

sense it or

know it

or like it.

it's time

i sense it

i know it.

i cherish what i have

i prepare what will be.

this is my bumper sticker,

my reminder.

it's time

and there is time.

two more from florida

2011-12-03T07:17:00.000-08:00

my children and they're florida thanksgiving!

2011-12-03T07:07:00.000-08:00

patience is salvation

2011-11-29T15:20:00.000-08:00

one day

is a thousand years

with GOD...

a thousand years is

one day

with GOD.

one day

GOD'S promise

will be complete

in all aspects of the

word.

this day we

continue to wait

for that day

when GOD'S

intentions

and hopes are

fully ripened

and ready for

harvest.

in GOD'S

time it will happen.

though we are

not patient in

waiting...

GOD is

very patient.

the patience of GOD:

waiting for us to love

ourselves and each other...

the patience of GOD:

waiting for us to

have courage and joy

to live as GOD intended us to live...

the patience of GOD:

waiting for us to

become patient.

peter's second letter

in the bible

says:

patience of God

is salvation.

now there's something

for us to think about...

patience of God

salvation.

lasting gifts

2011-11-16T13:38:00.000-08:00

not long ago

i was handed a

sweet little gift...

a hand knit

nest with four wooden eggs

along with the gift

these words:

"i see four major areas

in life where you have

been gifted. take this

nest and these eggs

and let them remind you

of the gifts i see...the gifts

you need to never forget."

so....

i sit today

pondering

cherishing

savoring

the gifts

that have come into my life

of late...

this i know

some gifts

are lasting

and are for keeps...

the best of these

gifts come with love.

i have been so blessed

to have loved and been loved

if i were never to be loved again...

if i were never to love again...

the love i've already

been gifted with

would sustain me

for the rest of my life.

but this i know

GOD is a god

of surprises and joy

and

i can celebrate

that i'm not

yet done

loving...

nor am i finished being loved.

too much

2011-11-16T13:29:00.000-08:00

chandeliers in taj mahal casino owned by trump

sometimes

too much

well...

too much!

a new corner of the neighborhood

2011-11-15T14:43:00.000-08:00

meet lucy

she's

a jersey shore girl

unique

funny

interesting

with a history

we should be

so lucky
to have such

qualities!

more pictures

and stories

later from

the land

called

new jersey.

a reminder

2011-11-08T12:18:00.000-08:00

the color is here again
some say not as
brilliant as last year
but i recall
them saying that
last year

for me
the color is
brilliant

when all i
saw where
i once lived
was brown
and bare
then any color
at all is spectacular

i love the
fall
i always have
even in the land
where the
temperature doesn't change that much
or the leaves don't offer color

something
just happens in the fall
and
well
it
has happened again

life is good
full
and surprisingly
delightful

i've hit a moment of
deep peace
and
satisfying
enjoyment

the song i was singing last year
"burn away my sorrows...
pull me to tomorrow"

well
it happened
and i am just
saying...

i see the colors!

trumped

2011-11-02T12:52:00.000-07:00

trump card
thrown down

as much as i think
and plan and prepare
i get
surprised

as much as
i am ready
i am overwhelmed
with the unexpected

i guarded my heart
i focused my thinking
i prepared my words
to speak with clarity
and purpose

i rationally pondered
i prayed with vigor
i thought i had it all
figured out

then
trumped
again

GOD
the
trump-er
the divine
gifter of surprises
worked in ways
i was not
expecting

don't get me wrong
i'm not complaining
i'm at peace
i've discovered
what others have called
wild freedom...
the kind of freedom
only
GOD
can create...

the freedom to allow
tears to flow
and joyful snorts of laughter
to erupt

the freedom
to be vulnerable
when so many forces in life
say not to be so

the freedom
to savor what is right
before you
without the need to
know the whole story

the freedom to
say what is on your heart
and to accept what is on the heart
of another

the freedom
to allow
the unexpected
to fill you up to
overflowing

for i've been trumped
and the trump-er
is the
giver of blessings
and i have
been blessed

claiming

2011-10-26T12:08:00.000-07:00

claiming
what i've worked for lifetime
like a stake pounded in the ground

claiming that which
eluded me far too long
but now is the product of perspective

claiming the depth of maturity
which unfolds
throughout
lifetime

claiming the peace
that comes
when that which was
is now as is

claiming what
directly and indirectly
was the goal all along

claiming.

perspective

2011-10-25T14:02:00.000-07:00

painting by velma eden

her reminder
remains

"the white is
the hardest to master
because it isn't paint
it's the paper and it's
about leaving enough space
for the
paper to give the perspective
you are working to create,"
velma said.

she was my
teacher
my friend
who found
such joy in sharing
with others
her love for
beauty and perspective

i've told her story
and now others have
heard
and in turn they tell

velma's
gift of perspective
has multiplied
from here to there
and there to here

leave enough
space in what ever it is
you are living

leave enough space
and you will
discover
perspective

peace inside

2011-10-24T14:25:00.000-07:00

photo by blake spencer/mo ranch hunt, tx

peace inside
helps to experience
all that happens on the
outside

outside
there is movement
maneuvering
posturing

peace inside
provides
perspective

outside
there is judgement
blame
misunderstanding

peace inside
creates
calm assurance

outside
there is angst
worry
complaining

peace inside
invites
joy for what
already is
and what will be

[tree]

outer peace only when there is inner peace

2011-10-22T13:33:00.000-07:00

photo by blake spencer - mo ranch/hunt, tx

a lesson on
peace

peace maker
desiring to
make peace
keep peace

peace
peace maker
but without
peace within

peace
without
peace within
is tentative
and precarious

peace
without peace
within
comes with costs
for self and others

peace
without
security of
peace
within
cannot create
an environment
or relationship
of peace

outer peace
without
inner peace
is not
possible
peace

seek
from within
peace
and
peace
can be possible

at the edge of the promised land

2011-10-19T09:40:00.000-07:00

moses...
called by god
to go where he
never dreamed he would go.

moses...
who responded,
"oh, lord....really
i can't do what you want.
i'm not even a good speaker.
how can i inspire a people to listen."

moses...
found out
god rarely takes
no for an answer.

moses...
went, led,
cried, argued,
but ultimately did what god said.

moses...
went the distance
but in the end...
did not get to step into
the land of promise...
but only got to see
what god had promised.

moses...
upon seeing with his own eyes
that god had done what god had promised
closed his eyes and died.

moses...
surely, this servant of god
has something to teach us.
how does god call us?
where does god call us?
what does god promise us?
how does god reveal to us promises kept?

(this week, last week, and the week before...
and next week and the week after...
i'm sure to bump into some of the answers.
it's happened before...
it will happen again.)

time zone

2011-10-18T14:01:00.000-07:00

photo taken by blake spencer/a new jersey barn

the time zone
between birth and
death.

we attempt to
fill this season with
life...

along the way we are told
by those who are more
of the take charge kind
that we have to do
certain things in a certain
way in order for this
time zone
"living"
to have meaning,
purpose,
success.

and yet
i'm not so sure...

what i have become
more sure of is
this time zone
"journey"
is not a cookie
cutter kind of
possibility.

no matter how hard we try
cramming all the matter
of each others lives
into the same shape....

it just doesn't work.

God created more
time zones than we
can fathom.

Triptych

2011-10-13T14:22:00.000-07:00

photo by blake spencer - gatesville, texas

Let me teach
you with my vulnerability.

Let me teach
you with my tears.

Let me teach
you with my laughter.

life event

2011-10-11T10:40:00.000-07:00

she came on her own terms
into this world
a long night
a long early morning
a long late morning

labor
breathing
labor
breathing
then
c-section.

she came
long legged
red haired
sweet
little girl.

a life event.

she changed
my life
and
today
is her birthday.

life event.

the only
one that
matters this
day
in the midst
of other
events
that swirl
and hover.

life event.
my daughter
my love
my life.

feeding of the 5000

2011-10-10T11:39:00.000-07:00

we turned to the old
old story
and heard again
of Jesus and his love
his compassion
for those who were
hungry
to know more
to live more.

on the side of the hill
we heard Jesus
speak again and the
disciples clamored
around to
announce the crowd
was hungry.

the crowd is hungry
and there is no
buffet.

the crowd is hungry
and the fridge is
empty.

the crowd is hungry
and we can't
host a party.

but
a party
they had.

gather what you have
and sit...
look at each other in the eyes
learn each others name
hear each others story.

a crowd became
a family.

that is a miracle.

at the conclusion of
the worship
i announced that
i was hungry....
what do you have
i asked the people.

one lone voice
yelped,
"i have a cup of tea!"

on the way down the center aisle
people handed
me what they had.

our empty basket
now had contents
you can see that
pictured above.

i simply wonder
what Jesus
would have done
with
one chocolate covered power bar
a fruit bar
a child's bunny shaped cracker
a lolly pop
and two cough drops.

what would the miracle be?

good to know and good to be known

2011-10-05T15:58:00.000-07:00

by d. morales

it is good to know
the one who
lives in a place of such beauty

it is good to be known
by one who can send
snap shots of places not found
in my neighborhood

he calls this the end of the road

i call it the beginning
the beginning of discovering
something new

the beginning of reflecting
on something bigger than yourself

the beginning of the beginning

oh it is good to know...
and it is good to be known.

nothing can take that away...

2011-09-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

sweet Katy....faithful and loved she's just
one in my life of many animals and people

Words all around me this week
reminding me of one
thing and one thing
alone.

I have been loved deeply
to the core of my being
and
I have loved
deeply from
the very same place.

This is a gift for a life time
forever
for always
and
nothing can take this away
from me....
nothing....
no
words,
acts,
laws,
theology,
nothing
can erase what has been.

bits of wisdom...

2011-09-22T09:37:00.000-07:00

niagara falls by blake spencer

people speak wisdom
here are some bits of wisdom
i have encountered this week.

thanks to gene j., and others
for sharing:

No one changes
without having the concept
of acceptance.

There is more space in a rock
than matter.

Practical theology:
practice first
experience second
reflection third

Academic theology:
reflection first
practice second
experience third

We have our identities in our stories;
we have our answers in our stories.

Shared stories
become liturgy
which is the work of the people.

You can't make people want wonderful -
but you can encourage them.

Encourage is to inspire
with courage, spirit, or confidence.

God loves us
and holds us
despite...

wisdom abounds
if we have joy to listen
and courage to speak!

something from the past

2011-09-21T10:29:00.000-07:00

photo by madeleine spencer

her words came a bubbling
out,
and along with them she
was in the room with me again.

my friend texted...
still have headache.

i texted back advice,
words my nana
would have said.

if your head is still hurting
then i suggest you
open a drawer
put your fingers
in it and slam the drawer...
i promise you
you won't be thinking of your
head hurting.

my friend was not appreciative
of my text.

i responded to his
disdain...
well, she was really right
if you think about it.

i remember hurting my finger at
my nana's house...
"ouch that hurts!"

with these words my nana
came close and stomped on my foot
laughing she said....
now you're not thinking about your finger...
she would laugh
then i would laugh
and before i knew it
the pain was not the focus.

obviously it does not require
one to hurt or be hurt for my
nana's words to speak truth...

just think about it
and you will discover a new way
sooner than later.

you can't go back...

2011-09-19T10:23:00.000-07:00

photo by blake spencer/doors at bellemeade plantation

there are all kinds of places
you can go back too
especially those places
and people who
give you life.

i've gone back to places
of my childhood
the elementary school
where a pecan tree
planted by my fifth grade
class continues to grow
reminding the world of the
lessons we learned
the day we stood on the
yard and dug a hole and
planted a tiny twig of a tree.

destinations are not only places
but memories too.
i can re-visit numerous
past experiences,
i can.
some of these memories
are automatic sources of
joy and comfort...
others are
reminders of hard lessons learned.

there are many places and
memories i can go back too....
but i've learned
in recent months and
years...
once you've
dealt with reality,
once you spoken truth about your life,
once you overcome
things like
low self-esteem,
defensiveness,
and fear
there is no going back.

there is no going back to the way
you were
before
healing and wholeness
and peace and
wisdom
set in and took root
and begins to grow.

there is
just
is no
going back.

affirmation

2011-09-16T14:21:00.000-07:00

photo by Daniel Morales

the gift of
affirmation
of being heard.

do not doubt...
you have been heard.

you are appreciated.

offering
and receiving
encouragement...

en
courage
ment...

it takes courage
to give
and to receive.

really
hear me...

you have been heard
and are appreciated.

resisting the norm...

2011-09-15T10:07:00.000-07:00

photo by blake spencer/near niagara

liminal...
a word i learned in a
theology class.

liminal:
defines a
life changing moment.

liminal:
divorce,
birth of a child,
loss of a job,
death of a loved one,
moving,
discernment,
moving out of denial,
admitting addiction...

anything
that changes life
patterns and perspective
is liminal.

Roy Howard writes:

The life of faith means at least this:
living in liminal space -
cultivating the capacity of heart
to hear Christ's
invitation
and stepping out of comfortable,
yet unsatisfying structures
toward a future that
only God knows.

Once we grasp that Peter did
not drown and neither will we,
then wild freedom begins.

i never thought of
liminal
being a norm for living...

but if it means
digging deeper into life
to discover peace and freedom
then
that is a norm
worth
having.

my definition for
liminal:
being surprised by God
in ways that
give you courage
to live and savor life.

overflowing

2011-09-14T12:09:00.000-07:00

niagara falls by blake spencer

yesterday
another birthday
and it was
as if i
were standing at the falls
of niagara again.

so many emails,
messages, texts,
and calls, cards
and lunch and hugs
and laughs.

from the coast of
california
to the valley of texas

from the tip of florida
to the top of
new foundland

new york city
to chicago
over to
kansas city
and lousiville.

east texas
north texas
colorado and
new mexico.

so very many
warm
loving comments.

literally it took me
all day to read them
and hear them
enjoy them
and savor them.

thank you
it was
a good day.

thank you.

a time for...

2011-09-13T14:53:00.000-07:00

photo from Rochester, NY by blake spencer

one i know
and love
respect and
celebrate
wrote these words:

Down.
Letting them control my emotions.
Decide the path of my day.
Of my life.
Tied down.
I need freedom!
Freedom to feel on my own.
To think on my own.
To know on my own.
I’ll get it one day.
I’ll find it on my own.